Thank you for remembering me. And thank you for being so damn nice. <3 i miss the 27th! You'd be in my prayers, always. XIJIE IS OFFICIALLY BACK IN THE STATES. Wah lau :( I called him before he boarded the flight and he sounded surprised, because he thought that I had called him alrdy. And I said NO! Must have been some other girl that sounded like me, LOL. weewoot. how many girlfriends does my cousin have, i wonder? haha :D Sigh. Everyone is overseas. Bring me along~
i just went to friendster and huilan's account and read weiwen's comment to her. i don't know why but i laughed out. OMG I SO NEEDED THAT. :DDDD can't explain why its funny but it is so i guess i should thank aaron aka Ke WeiWen for making me laugh, indirectly? :D maybe it's because it made me think about OLD DAYS. nostalgia!~
dont let me down.
all i know is, im not asking for anything. all i want is to have a little bit of your world, is that too much to ask? I really wonder, if this is really impossible. This storm isn't passing; I know it isn't. It's here to stay, like it or not. If I could make you tell me everyth about yourself, I would, I should, I just want to, you know? I'm sorry, Im just a little tired today, Maybe that's why Im rambling. Like how I did before.
I NEVER REALISED HOW MUCH I LIKE LIKE PEARLYN TAN YING. platonically. Because I told her that I'd really miss her when she leaves for Yunnan, and I rarely tell people that I would miss them. She's noisy, she's loud, she's everything that I'm not, but she's really SWEET and she brightens up my day when I need it the most, and no matter what, she has never failed to listen to my rambles. I would really like to thank her for all the effort she put in to listen to me, no matter how rubbishshitty they were, and for being more than a councillor, for being a geunine friend, for comforting me, for YOU-KNOW-WHAT and too many. <3>its not fair. it really isn't. But since when has Life been fair? Afterall, God puts us where we are, so Im content~ Im resigned to it, Im not blaming anyone or anything. This is what it was meant to be and how it has to be. it's too late to whine, so never mind. (:
I don't want to see you hurt anymore than you should, so it's okay, whatever it is, let me take it all. Because you know, I'd do anything for you, right now. I won't die or anything but this is really really .. It's too fast, for me to hold on to reality, to hold on to something real, before I fall too fast without a hand to save me. I can do this.
RIGHHHT. A lot of things happened today. I've learnt that blogging about personal stuff may get you into trouble, haha. Just.. feeling really down.
And I don't know why but I feel like everything is in a mess. I think it's one of my 'emo' periods. I periodically have them. My best friend calls them 'the days' , LOL.
my super short short-term THINGSTODO
1. Go swimming. I can't stand being cooped up at home and in school for too long, INEEDTOGETOUT. Maybe that's why I damn well have a urge to go swimming today. PRSHHHH. There are many swimming pools at my disposal, just pick any one of them HAHA :D The nearest pool is just down the road :D
2. File Notes, ESP. GP NOTES. My GP notes are in a mess and Im sick of my GP teacher saying stuff like we didnt listen in class. To show her that I damn well do listen in class, I better start filing everyth. EVERYTH.
3. Read my chinese book. I have a chinese test tmr that's supposed to be based on this darn book that I loaned from YX today. OMGNO. IM SO GOING TO FAIL LA, NO WORDS FOR EXCUSES.
oh btw, i went to cut my hair today. maybe its because im just feeling really depressed. maybe its because family matters should just stay FAMILYMATTERS.
oh wow. someth just reminded me of someone who told me something. well, i remb it pretty well despite being damn tired, and how really annoyed it made me. i dont know if you were rambling or watevr. but i just found it annoying. yea. just needed to get that off me. cant some people just shut up about things?
yesyes. im tired despite sleeping a full ten hours ytd. haha, wow! i had a family dinner on sunday, straight after camp. i talked to my cousin a little, ate, bathed and slept from 6 to 10. when i woke up, the house was in an uproar. it's a sad thing and personally, i never thought someth like that would happen to a family like ours. she's not exactly part of the family but she was married to us after all. i hope they find her, and then i hope that Cousin HC divorces her. what i say may sound really cruel and absurd but what she's done to us, is a million times worse. i have no doubt that she'd come crawling back home someday. everyth she did just digusts me and i feel sorry for cousin HC. i mean its so unfair! why is it that all the horrible stuff happens to him! :(((( urgh.
but i really do hope they find her. because her own parents must be really anxious about right now, because no one wants their daughter to be missing.
anyways, Xijie is returning to the States in approximately six days time. awww man, i didnt get to talk to him properly. i must thank him for teaching me his (pro) econs mathods and making sure that i learn, despite me having failed it anyway. but i promise, i wont fail it again! if he returns from the States and asks me about my econs, it had better be good news, else I'd be too embarassed to face him and I'd hole myself up in my room. Xijie and my dad can really click. I mean fellow Scouts and whatever man.. haha! His Air Force uniform is super cool. If you want me to gush about my pro cousin, it would never end, haha :D
maybe that's why Xijing and I feel stressed to do in life, studies and school activities as well as he did. oHHHH. I REMB: XIJIE CALLED ME A NERD FOR JOINING COUNCIL! HAHAH. BUT ITS OKAY BECAUSE HE REALLY MUGGED LIKE A NERD FOR A LVLS TOO :D peace~ take care, stay well, enjoy yourself at the States! Come back with those double degrees with honours. i know you will. (: we'd be waiting for your return (: xoxo, your family. hahaha! :D
i love my family. i love my friends too. i love You too, my God, my Father, my Savior. i love being loved. :D
Sometimes, it's very hard to express what I want to say. I'm a very expressive person and for people who know me well, Im also super vocal. But sometimes, all these feelings are holed up for so long, they jumble up and tumble over each other, crying and apologising until they get it right. And when they do, it beomes too difficult to express them. Too squashed, too restricted, it becomes all too awkward. There's a lot of things I really really want to say but I think I hesitate too much. I play by Life's stipulations and Im good at abiding by the boundaries that have been set for me. Too good I think. This box is hard to break out of.
UM. You're a little tedious to tackle. Because I think you've been on my mind far too much. Too much of anything is bad. I can't say nor confirm what this is right now, but I guess I will, in the near future. UM. Maybe I shouldn't say this but - all I need is a smile from you and that alone would already make my day. HAHA! No harm having happier days. :D
Im super sleep-deprived. but I've got a lot of work to do so I MUST do them first. GRRH. SIGH. I do wish I had more faith in God, because I know He's always there and whenever I need him, He would never fail me. So Lord, give me strength and peace, because there is no greater love than God's love. God bless his people.
This is a very random entry. It kinda shows Im almost losing it. But that's okay because I know I'd be fine. (:
I guess Im too tied up over things, but I can't get it out of my mind. It's so trivial but I guess Im super affected by it. Yes, I know Im way too sensitive.
Im so troubled. Like, I don't know what Im doing again, anymore. I think the results are getting to me. I kinda rmb CK irritating me about my results once and Charleston told him off, to stop rubbing salt into my wounds. Somehow, right now, Im kinda grateful to Charleston. But then, haha, of all people! HAHA. Neeeeemind. I really wanted to wrangle CK's neck today. OMGVIOLENCE.
just shutup and drive.
I haven't finished the camp booklet. OMG, YUANSHENG IS GOING TO KILL ME. :( i think i suck. really. im kinda going through the motion of Life, being dazed over everyth and too distracted to think straight. I thought I was so over that but apparently not. SIGH. Yeah, we're living in a screwed-up world. But I guess we've gotta have Faith because You will lead the way. He works in ways we cannot see.
I think its scary thinking about how this place is going to CHANGE. Like major. Just looking at the new MRT map, just gives me the shivers. When is change going to stop?
edit: OMG, MY PHONE IS FAILING ME. IT'S LIKE MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE.! GRRRRH. TOLD YOU TODAY WAS A HORRIBLE DAY.
Hrmph. Had an average day. But I got so angry over something! And Im so not the angry-type, thro I perpectually get annoyed haha. Well, I guess Im wrong too but like, hello, can you not say something like you don't want to talk to me anymore because of _______. Like. URGH. I really felt that was kinda rude. So I got pissed even thro something else made me smile.
Hurmpuh. I can't make my mind up about something. Somebody, help me?
UM. I was so bored and kinda bothered by someth that I went with Hema to the Asianfilm thing. And, I kind of helped out with the posters! Like, haha. It's pretty cool luh. OHOH. AND ANNA GOT EXEMPTED FROM THE PROMOS. OMG LA! EEEEEKKKKKKK. SHE WAS SO TRYING TO MAKE ME JEALOUSwhich i am. omg, and the best part is that she'd be going to Indonesia with the FAS people. OMG? SIGH. Oh why, why, why, why didnt I study harder? pooorrrsh.
yes, im bored again. so much so that my blog entries are at a frequency of two a day.
Your Life Path Number is 8
Your purpose in life is to help others succeed
You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character. You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money. A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing.
In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance.
You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision. Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless. You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance.
You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!
but my conclusion is that I'd go wherever God means for me to go.
Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ESFP)
Your personality type is playful, charming, open minded, and energetic. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 5% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.
I overslept for service!!!! AWGH>>>! im so so so so sorry XUETING, SORRY, SORRY :( I know you must have waited for me la. OMG, I don't know how to apologise. SORRY. my alarm clock didnt ring and the phone was off so i didnt hear your calls. :( SORRY, SORRY. man, gotta make it up to you! SIGH. Cherie, you're such an idiot!
SIGH. some people really reply msgs like really fast. like 12 hours later? beh.
sorry, am pissed. and bored. which is not a good combination. and tired. omg, worse. kinda screamed at my mum for nagging at me about CHC again. AGAIN. of all times, had to be when Im tired, bored and really fed-up. with her, that is.
so bored that i went to swim. with Mel that is. marine parade has these gorgeous ship lights on the sea, haha. and its really cold there, unlike jurong. BEH. so i kinda stood there on the balcony afterwards, and stared out into the ocean and Victoria School, haha.
yeah, i know i should have known. sorry, i was wrong. should have known. actually, i did know. because, hasnt it always been this way?
omg, CHNGWEILANG, CAN YOU STOP MAKING ME JEALOUS OF POLY LIFE? I know you've got like 7 wks holidays after ur mid-yrs. URGH. :/ yea, thanks man, i really appreciate your concern :/ sometimes I wonder if you say all these stuff to piss me off? LAU. but anyway, ive known you since forever so its like: oh, okay, expected. im used to it! phfffft. tsktsk, grow up, boy. btw, the world is round, not flat :D i say these, all in good will (:
im so stoned. Tired like nothing. because Mel & I stayed up till 4 and gossiped like crazy. Ahha. You can take the girl out of the convent but you can't take the convent out of the girl. Anyway, we were like talking about SAC and the IJ schools, it was so hilarious. ANYWAY, POINT IS, I AM STONED. ROCKS. i should study la, like how 'hardddddd' Mel is studying cause her private tutor is coming later.
i woke up at twelve with my mother screaming into my ear, reminding me its my BROTHER's birthday and i have to get home early. like LOL, i know! how can i forget my dearest brother's birthday? anyways, now she's coming over to celebrate with mel's family instead cos aunt made arrangements to keep me here, haha! Dad isnt even in spore now. hahaha, wonder if he can fit into that shirt I bought him LA. HWELLO, its freaking EXPENSIVE. contributed to the bankrupt fund.
OH, speaking of clothes! Mel has 150 tops, like OMGWTH Damn mad, the way she spends. LIKE. Worse than I do! Hahahaha. XJ & I can go die, cause XJ has only major sports stuff and only one proper shirt, and Im cleaning out my wardrobe so I only have like LESS than 50 tops now. SIGH. Her life aspiration is the high life, haha. Yeah, we're very different people. I think my mum will kill me if I spend anymore.
So I told her about ___________. and she was like __________________. giving me examples of her own friends which are mostly rich people. and I felt so lost yesterday like ______________. And I told her alot about _______. And she told me to be careful. I know, but I really dont like to ______. Argh, whatever la. Anyone reading this will tear their hair out, cause I bet you have no idea what Im talking about, haha :D
fill in the blanks
Like rain. Like ships. maybe Im heading for the rocks. We're very different people. The world carries on. WHYWHYWHWYWHY? This book has no answers.
Has been a good day! First off, for the record, everytime I meet up with my favourite cousins, I end up sleeping over at their place. because XJ & MELODYHENG stay at like three storeys away, aw damn. if I stayed in the east with them, I will NEVER be able to study cos I'd be out shopping with Mel everyday and listening to XJ whine and talking about intellectual stuff which explodes me brain. For the record, TXJ IS SLEEPING ON MEL'S BED WHEN HE CAN LIKE GO AND SLEEP IN HIS OWN BED DOWNSTAIRS AT THE 8TH FLOOR, IDIOT. RAWR. and im sitting on the floor. wth? You're a real gentleman ya =/ argh cousins.
today had loads of funny stuff la. Mel Heng does not know that her POSB card is from DBS and can be used with the DBS atm. so XJ and I were like okok if you say so then we'd go look for another one. walked the whole of that stupid shopping mall and we went back to the dbs one. (MARINA SQUARE DOES NOT HAVE ANY PROPER ATM MACHINE, WTH?) and Mel was like: I'm telling you it doesnt work. XJ: Bet? Mel: No, the point is it wont work! Its POSB not DBS! XJ & I: Let me see your card! OMG, SO SO SO SO FUNNY! XJ turned it over and like there's this humongous DBS sign on it. SOOOOOOOO FUNNY. And I was trying to be fierce, but failing, haha. Cause I love her so much, noob or not. :D
ANYWAY, TXJ is sooo darn rich la, ARGH, give me your POSB account! Peeked and saw this digit that made me really go : Did you rob the bank or smth? Anyway, THANK YOU XJ FOR PAYING EVERYTH TODAY HAHA. Cause Im so pathetically broke, nobody can be worse. I mean nobody can be worse than an unemployed student with a parental objection to assist in survival by giving a wee bit more cash? We caught the 6 plus show cause I was late from cg haha. Mel was like, 4.30: Uh, coming, 4.45: Tampines, 5: Bedok, or smth! Anyway, we ate, A LOT. Esp TXJ who is tall and skinny and needs alot of food because he plays alot of sports. XJ is 185 LOR and has to stand far away otherwise I'd look hell short next to him. And somehow, I ended up staying over.
SIGH. But I havent been really really myself today. I'd be honest, I've been thinking, A LOT. Too much for my own good, methinks. Hello, what's the point of thinking when I can do smth better like, WRITE? IM KIND OF HANGING UPSIDE DOWN.
i LOVED SINGFEST :D Thank you EEVINLEE for actually booking and dragging me along haha and thank you for the longggggggg talk at some plaza unil 7 pm and not going into SF to watch instead. Thank you ZX for actually coming down! Haha. Um, thanks for walking us around and agreeing to my whims haha. (:
I woke up today and my Dad was gone. I mean he went to the airport in the morning, like 5? I was so surprised because I actually did forget that he was leaving for his business stuff again. And it kind of feels empty, just like it always does when he's not around. Despite the fact that he's always yelling at me to get home early, do my homework, don't spend when you dont earn, and to sleep at 10, I kind of do miss him, haha. Well, pretty late for an epiphany but whatever.
When I thought about some people that I know who cross the road without looking, I kind of laughed because.. I realised that the cars were always so far away. HAHA, being silly la.
It is ironic it is that tomorrow's National Day but the Ugly Singaporean just makes you ashamed of your own countrymen. There are three examples of the USing that I encountered today. 1. Aunties who push past you, even dragging your bag along but have no conscience whatsoever to apologise. Great. 2. The young working adult who 'books' a seat on a crowded bus for her friend lagging behind. 3. The middle-aged man who leans on the standing pole of the MRT even through like loads of other people have to rely on it for support.
I wonder why these people haven't been told off before. Like excuse me, you do know a word called consideration exists, no?
I was so pissed off at foreign workers pushing from the back when I was boarding the bus that I, for the first time in my entire life, snapped at someone in public. Actually Ana and I snapped at them at the same time. We went : EXCUSE ME! And I continued : Do you realise that you're being EXTREMELY rude? Anyway, doubt that they understood us but they left the line. Honestly! This isn't your hometown; it isn't like you should act the way you did back home, that's just plain naivete. RAWR.! Honestly.
ANYWAY, WHATSOEVER about people who irk me because it's just getting common! Had cell group gathering today! Happy happy :D But I was late 'cause.. um, I was just late. Food at the steamboat area was alright, not fantastic, just alright. Shared some stuff with Janice, Ana and Hema! I think I've told too many people about him, haha. Had fun, am broke again but overall is happy! Met dearie Daphne, Wendi, HuiFang and Yvonne by chance! HAHA I heard people calling me but I so totally didnt realise it was them until they came to look for me :DDDDDDDD Today was a good day, if I wasnt so tired. Wish I could meet you in serendipity, haha.
SINGFEST TMR WITH DEAREST EEVINLEE! aw man, can't wait :DDDDDD party!
Occasionally, thoughts of nationality would occur to me. Today, as we did Boey Kim Chang in Lit lecture, Mr Shankar flashed slides with questions on The Singapore Identity. I gave my two cents about our culture: We try to be here and there but in truth, we are neither. And neither we are indeed for Singapore is too young to have a culture of its own, me thinks.
We're still like infants, trying to mimick others in their way of manner, speech and dressing and sometimes, failing terribly. But we have come a long way and the tiny Singaporean in me feels proud of it all. Often, I tell myself, I must be the odd Singaporean because I don't feel Singaporean at all. Yes, I speak Singlish, I gave up knowing bar chor mee and char kway tiao and I've gone to, for the most part of my life, Singapore schools. There was always a part of myself that yearned to be different, or in fact, different from the typical Singaporean but similiar to someone of the international community. In many ways, I'm not very much different from the 'kiasu' Singaporean.
What makes a proper Singaporean? What makes you Singaporean?
I don't know because I'm still searching for that concrete reason that tells me infallibly that I am Singaporean through and through.
I've grew up learning 'proper' English or if anyone would call it, Standard English. I grew up traveling half of the world. I've spent stints of my life in different places but always returning to the same old town. The first time I went to England, I was awed by the 'outside' world. I loved it, I adore it, I still do. I've always wanted to study at Cambridge, because I've never thought of local universities as anything but just. I envied PJC's students soooo much because they were going to Cambridge on an attachment. Never mind that the costs were $6000, never mind that it was a long trip, as long as it was Cambridge, as long as it was England. Those sentiments has somehow faded off, but the point is this: Is it faith in something foreign that propels me towards it?
Why not NUS, why not NTU?
If it was the lack of identity, I could have aspired to go to Australia to further my studies or even China, to get in touch with the Chinese in me. If it was the desire to be superior, I would have turned insane because I am definitely NOT anywhere near the benchmark of being some elite student (don't get me started). SOOO. WHY? I just want to have a taste of the outside world, being stifled in the bubble that is the mainstream education. I can't blame education for programming me this way because it has given me many things. I am grateful to be Singaporean but not exactly holding that identity with much pride. But the cold, cutting truth is that youths are adventurous and tend to run when let go. With regret, I much say that I don't have a lot of staying power. When everything is ostensibly alright on the surface, the cracks lie below the dry ground, starting from the jerking of roots from the soil.
Despite all that hoo-haa about how I don't feel Singaporean and why, I would miss Singapore if I did leave it for good. I would miss my family, my friends, my slang, my comfortable familiarity of the surroundings and its people but the essential word missing here is LOVE. I would miss the LOVE showered on me by the people of this nation; people like Dad&Mum. I am looking for security but security is not what I aspire to have. It is surely a nice feeling to have but to grow as a writer, I will need to break out of this comfort zone, to reach out and touch the most fragile of hearts and understand them, to seek the truth and to convey it to the world and to pen legions of words that speak no lies. It is the only dream that I have ever had.
Singapore is a phantasmagoria; we are definitely not Art but we are changing in every moment of Time. We were the canvas from which the world reaches out to paint on, from Britain to Malaysia until we are a mix of something unique, a myraid of colours that becomes completely unable to be defined; and then we create a country, a nation, a city, an international stage: called Singapore. She achieves independence and then her people become the paintbrushes of this land.
My two cents for National Day. Happy 42nd, Singapore! May you grow old and happy with many many grandchildren to come :D
OMY. TODAY WAS OKAY EXCEPT THAT IT WAS REALLY BORING. yeah. Okay, relax Cherie, relax. Common test results would be alright! I'd be alright. Alright.
I'd be alright.
Today, Hema and I were supposed to go watch a movieeee with PETER but the Leaders' stuff ended quite late and we kind of left Peter hanging at Westmall. So sorry! Yeah, seriously feel kinda of bad. Should have cancelled the appointment with him lo. Hais. Sorry Pete! D: Wed - cell-grp meeting, yay! :DDDDD Superrr happy.
By the way, girlfriends who went to Macau and esp LIW who went to HK, I MISS MISS MISS MISS ALL OF YOU! OMY. When they come back, I'm so going to hug you guys loads! Louisa, YX and Linda, if you see this, you better have bought me smth! Considering that we've known each other for AGES; haha. KIDDING, darls. It's alright if there's nth for me cos what's most important is that you guys are back safe and sound! SIGHS. IMISSMYGIRLFRIENDS!7SEVEN,HELLOMEETINGPLEASE? CAUSE I MISS YOU GIRLS LIKE MAD. SECONDARY DAYS NEVER END!
SINGFEST! im going with eevin LEE of all people this thurs!! HAHA. kidding! eevinsssss. you know i love you :D can't wait! can't wait! fabulousssss line-up!
by the way, pretty people with birthdays! AMELIA (8/8/07) & KAREN (29/7/07) Amelia, happy 17th advanced! Karen, happy 17th belated! LOVEYOUALLMUCHS.
OMG. bestfriend SIEWPS one is coming soon. digspocket- haha!
The speakers aren't working. >< WTH. edit: Okay so it was because my sister plugged the earphones in, LOL!
I woke up this morning to find my little cousin gone. LOL He stayed over last night to play with my brother. OHMY. THEY WERE SO NOISY. But it's alright cos it's always nice to have someone around for a change (:
FOP ROCKED. Despite coughing and having a bad flu and occasionally having to retake medicine, I had a ball of a time :D oh do not - do not shut the heavens Can't go back today D: Because of many reasons. But there's also many reasons why I would want to return. Another 7 days, another 7 days. Where are you?
Yay, parents just pissed me off AGAIN. I'm so bloody FRUSTRATED!!!! Do you know who BLOODY difficult it is to talk to you guys???? BECAUSE NUMBER 1, YOU'RE STUCK IN YOUR CHERIE-IS-STILL-A-KID MODE WHICH IS DISGUSTING, NUMBER 2, YOU'RE STUCK IN THE 1970S, DONT TELL ME ABOUT LAST TIME OR BEFORE OR WHATEVER NITSHIZZY YOU WERE, THIS IS NOW AND NOW IS ALL I CARE ABOUT! One day, oneday, if I tolerate enough. I will blow up. I will. So enough, enough!!! Stop screaming in my ear!! ENOUGH.
I'm exhuasted. I need Your help, Your love and guidance. Please, please, send it down to me. Another 7 days here. I think I would only cry everyday, with tears or none. Peace, please? Father, you never sleep nor slumber and you will find a way. You will provide.
I've calmed down. and, I've stopped puking for an hour now.
i wonder when, when will peace come?
i love Life too much to let it go, therefore, im not going to do anything stupid. running away = something stupid. whatever happens, family is still family right? mum & dad, i'd always love you, no matter whatever. always always. zutou.
my heart heaves, i wonder when will i see you again?
FOP!
Yesterday, I cried during FOP, the song of God's reign. Because I was thinking, Dear God, Please save them. Please save the suffering ones, Please save the Koreans in Afganistan, Please bless them so that they may be free. because they are your people.
because there's so much evil in this world.
Our God Reigns -DELIRIOUS?
40 million babies lost to Gods great orphanage, It't a modern day genocide and a modern day disgrace If this is a human right then why aren't we free? The only freedom we have is in a man nailed to a tree.
100 million faces, staring at the sky, Wondering if this HIV will ever pass us by. The devil stole the rain and hope trickles down the plug, But still my Chinese take away could pay for someone's drugs.
Our God reigns, Our God reigns, Forever your kingdom reigns.
The west has found a gun and it's loaded with unsure? Nip and tuck if you have the bucks in a race to find a cure. Psalm one hundred and thirty nine is the conscience to our selfish crime, God didn't screw up when he made you, He's a father who loves to parade you.
Yes he reigns, yes you reign, yes you reign, For there is only one true God, But we've lost the reins on this world, Forgive us all, forgive us please, As we fight for this broken world on our knees.
I AM SO FREAKING ANGRY!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS IT THAT MY FAMILY IS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS THIS WAY? WHATEVER THAT IS MY BELIEFS, LET IT STAY THAT WAY BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOURS IS YOUR OWN AND I DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT EITHER! IM PISSED OFF BECAUSE WHENEVER IM SICK THEY EITHER ACT EXTREMELY CONCERNED OR THEY NEVER ACT CONCERNED AT ALL! LIKE ITS MY FAULT I WANT TO BE ILL. LIKE HOW THEY ALWAYS JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT EVERYTHING AND HOW THEY NEVER THINK ITS BECAUSE OF MY GOOD-WILL AND HOW BLOODY ANGRY THEY ALWAYS GET ME!!!!
if you want me to leave, then i will. if i had the ways and means, i would. because i cant stand this longer than you can, thanks. as much as i love all of you, as much as we shared our happy days, it really seems as if we can't get along. don't you know im trying? im really really trying. but this is so maddening that sometimes i just want to run away.
I THINK MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM REALLY not FEELING WELL AND THEY'RE BEING SO MEAN. DO YOU KNOW IT HURTS!?
frustration . anger . denial . all these emotions, i can't seem to control them. because, ive been hearing these words for so long, it was an instantaneous reaction. hurt that you've never changed, hurt that you still think this way, tearing because im still never good enough. i've dreaded you saying something like this for so long; i'd forgotten when it had started. i think the pain has gone away. because when i think about it, all my insecurity comes back to me. im sorry i flared up so quickly. but can't you see that those words affect me? cant you quit saying never? cant you say that i can do it? those are the words that i never hear.
there's FoP tomorrow! it keeps me happy and i can't wait until tmr already. because today is already bad enough.
anyways! happy 17th birthday NADYA, sweetie! much LOVE~
my head hurts. my hands hurt. seriously. my pen is out of ink. silent regrets. complacency kills !!!!!
life isnt all about paper scores but we would still have to score NO MATTER WHAT. because reality tells me that i still need that paper degree. yeayeayea.
looking forward to thurs afternoon and fri! simpsons!usheringdutyatschool!paintbanner!FoP!
Yes. I have to do some ushering duty on Friday for some National event; I even volunteered Charleston and Hema who both volunteered themselves :D thanks guys.
anyeeeeeeee how, bored. wanna do CIP! because it makes things meaningful! give me things to do! argh!
wanna go to reference section at NLB to research ....~
(If I had a choice on how my life will be, I want to travel with someone I love,
and take photographs of the myriad and the pretty, spreading the love of Christ,
near and far until the ends of the world!)
I ♥ God and God ♥ me!
Contrary to popular belief, I'm not unfriendly!!!!!!
Talk to me and I'd definitely talk to you.
Most people don't really get me but I usually get most people.
Economics is beyond fascinating. ;)
x
Family is ♥!
Best friends are ♥!
Colours are ♥!
The universe is ♥!
Layout: Lost Days Best viewed: Internet Explorer Resolution: 1024X768 Credits: IIIIVVVI
26 August 2007
Tonight, we'd change our lives.
Thank you for remembering me. And thank you for being so damn nice. <3 i miss the 27th! You'd be in my prayers, always. XIJIE IS OFFICIALLY BACK IN THE STATES. Wah lau :( I called him before he boarded the flight and he sounded surprised, because he thought that I had called him alrdy. And I said NO! Must have been some other girl that sounded like me, LOL. weewoot. how many girlfriends does my cousin have, i wonder? haha :D Sigh. Everyone is overseas. Bring me along~
i just went to friendster and huilan's account and read weiwen's comment to her. i don't know why but i laughed out. OMG I SO NEEDED THAT. :DDDD can't explain why its funny but it is so i guess i should thank aaron aka Ke WeiWen for making me laugh, indirectly? :D maybe it's because it made me think about OLD DAYS. nostalgia!~
dont let me down.
all i know is, im not asking for anything. all i want is to have a little bit of your world, is that too much to ask? I really wonder, if this is really impossible. This storm isn't passing; I know it isn't. It's here to stay, like it or not. If I could make you tell me everyth about yourself, I would, I should, I just want to, you know? I'm sorry, Im just a little tired today, Maybe that's why Im rambling. Like how I did before.
I NEVER REALISED HOW MUCH I LIKE LIKE PEARLYN TAN YING. platonically. Because I told her that I'd really miss her when she leaves for Yunnan, and I rarely tell people that I would miss them. She's noisy, she's loud, she's everything that I'm not, but she's really SWEET and she brightens up my day when I need it the most, and no matter what, she has never failed to listen to my rambles. I would really like to thank her for all the effort she put in to listen to me, no matter how rubbishshitty they were, and for being more than a councillor, for being a geunine friend, for comforting me, for YOU-KNOW-WHAT and too many. <3>its not fair. it really isn't. But since when has Life been fair? Afterall, God puts us where we are, so Im content~ Im resigned to it, Im not blaming anyone or anything. This is what it was meant to be and how it has to be. it's too late to whine, so never mind. (:
I don't want to see you hurt anymore than you should, so it's okay, whatever it is, let me take it all. Because you know, I'd do anything for you, right now. I won't die or anything but this is really really .. It's too fast, for me to hold on to reality, to hold on to something real, before I fall too fast without a hand to save me. I can do this.
RIGHHHT. A lot of things happened today. I've learnt that blogging about personal stuff may get you into trouble, haha. Just.. feeling really down.
And I don't know why but I feel like everything is in a mess. I think it's one of my 'emo' periods. I periodically have them. My best friend calls them 'the days' , LOL.
my super short short-term THINGSTODO
1. Go swimming. I can't stand being cooped up at home and in school for too long, INEEDTOGETOUT. Maybe that's why I damn well have a urge to go swimming today. PRSHHHH. There are many swimming pools at my disposal, just pick any one of them HAHA :D The nearest pool is just down the road :D
2. File Notes, ESP. GP NOTES. My GP notes are in a mess and Im sick of my GP teacher saying stuff like we didnt listen in class. To show her that I damn well do listen in class, I better start filing everyth. EVERYTH.
3. Read my chinese book. I have a chinese test tmr that's supposed to be based on this darn book that I loaned from YX today. OMGNO. IM SO GOING TO FAIL LA, NO WORDS FOR EXCUSES.
oh btw, i went to cut my hair today. maybe its because im just feeling really depressed. maybe its because family matters should just stay FAMILYMATTERS.
oh wow. someth just reminded me of someone who told me something. well, i remb it pretty well despite being damn tired, and how really annoyed it made me. i dont know if you were rambling or watevr. but i just found it annoying. yea. just needed to get that off me. cant some people just shut up about things?
yesyes. im tired despite sleeping a full ten hours ytd. haha, wow! i had a family dinner on sunday, straight after camp. i talked to my cousin a little, ate, bathed and slept from 6 to 10. when i woke up, the house was in an uproar. it's a sad thing and personally, i never thought someth like that would happen to a family like ours. she's not exactly part of the family but she was married to us after all. i hope they find her, and then i hope that Cousin HC divorces her. what i say may sound really cruel and absurd but what she's done to us, is a million times worse. i have no doubt that she'd come crawling back home someday. everyth she did just digusts me and i feel sorry for cousin HC. i mean its so unfair! why is it that all the horrible stuff happens to him! :(((( urgh.
but i really do hope they find her. because her own parents must be really anxious about right now, because no one wants their daughter to be missing.
anyways, Xijie is returning to the States in approximately six days time. awww man, i didnt get to talk to him properly. i must thank him for teaching me his (pro) econs mathods and making sure that i learn, despite me having failed it anyway. but i promise, i wont fail it again! if he returns from the States and asks me about my econs, it had better be good news, else I'd be too embarassed to face him and I'd hole myself up in my room. Xijie and my dad can really click. I mean fellow Scouts and whatever man.. haha! His Air Force uniform is super cool. If you want me to gush about my pro cousin, it would never end, haha :D
maybe that's why Xijing and I feel stressed to do in life, studies and school activities as well as he did. oHHHH. I REMB: XIJIE CALLED ME A NERD FOR JOINING COUNCIL! HAHAH. BUT ITS OKAY BECAUSE HE REALLY MUGGED LIKE A NERD FOR A LVLS TOO :D peace~ take care, stay well, enjoy yourself at the States! Come back with those double degrees with honours. i know you will. (: we'd be waiting for your return (: xoxo, your family. hahaha! :D
i love my family. i love my friends too. i love You too, my God, my Father, my Savior. i love being loved. :D
Sometimes, it's very hard to express what I want to say. I'm a very expressive person and for people who know me well, Im also super vocal. But sometimes, all these feelings are holed up for so long, they jumble up and tumble over each other, crying and apologising until they get it right. And when they do, it beomes too difficult to express them. Too squashed, too restricted, it becomes all too awkward. There's a lot of things I really really want to say but I think I hesitate too much. I play by Life's stipulations and Im good at abiding by the boundaries that have been set for me. Too good I think. This box is hard to break out of.
UM. You're a little tedious to tackle. Because I think you've been on my mind far too much. Too much of anything is bad. I can't say nor confirm what this is right now, but I guess I will, in the near future. UM. Maybe I shouldn't say this but - all I need is a smile from you and that alone would already make my day. HAHA! No harm having happier days. :D
Im super sleep-deprived. but I've got a lot of work to do so I MUST do them first. GRRH. SIGH. I do wish I had more faith in God, because I know He's always there and whenever I need him, He would never fail me. So Lord, give me strength and peace, because there is no greater love than God's love. God bless his people.
This is a very random entry. It kinda shows Im almost losing it. But that's okay because I know I'd be fine. (:
I guess Im too tied up over things, but I can't get it out of my mind. It's so trivial but I guess Im super affected by it. Yes, I know Im way too sensitive.
Im so troubled. Like, I don't know what Im doing again, anymore. I think the results are getting to me. I kinda rmb CK irritating me about my results once and Charleston told him off, to stop rubbing salt into my wounds. Somehow, right now, Im kinda grateful to Charleston. But then, haha, of all people! HAHA. Neeeeemind. I really wanted to wrangle CK's neck today. OMGVIOLENCE.
just shutup and drive.
I haven't finished the camp booklet. OMG, YUANSHENG IS GOING TO KILL ME. :( i think i suck. really. im kinda going through the motion of Life, being dazed over everyth and too distracted to think straight. I thought I was so over that but apparently not. SIGH. Yeah, we're living in a screwed-up world. But I guess we've gotta have Faith because You will lead the way. He works in ways we cannot see.
I think its scary thinking about how this place is going to CHANGE. Like major. Just looking at the new MRT map, just gives me the shivers. When is change going to stop?
edit: OMG, MY PHONE IS FAILING ME. IT'S LIKE MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE.! GRRRRH. TOLD YOU TODAY WAS A HORRIBLE DAY.
Hrmph. Had an average day. But I got so angry over something! And Im so not the angry-type, thro I perpectually get annoyed haha. Well, I guess Im wrong too but like, hello, can you not say something like you don't want to talk to me anymore because of _______. Like. URGH. I really felt that was kinda rude. So I got pissed even thro something else made me smile.
Hurmpuh. I can't make my mind up about something. Somebody, help me?
UM. I was so bored and kinda bothered by someth that I went with Hema to the Asianfilm thing. And, I kind of helped out with the posters! Like, haha. It's pretty cool luh. OHOH. AND ANNA GOT EXEMPTED FROM THE PROMOS. OMG LA! EEEEEKKKKKKK. SHE WAS SO TRYING TO MAKE ME JEALOUSwhich i am. omg, and the best part is that she'd be going to Indonesia with the FAS people. OMG? SIGH. Oh why, why, why, why didnt I study harder? pooorrrsh.
yes, im bored again. so much so that my blog entries are at a frequency of two a day.
Your Life Path Number is 8
Your purpose in life is to help others succeed
You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character. You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money. A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing.
In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance.
You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision. Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless. You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance.
You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!
but my conclusion is that I'd go wherever God means for me to go.
Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ESFP)
Your personality type is playful, charming, open minded, and energetic. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 5% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.
I overslept for service!!!! AWGH>>>! im so so so so sorry XUETING, SORRY, SORRY :( I know you must have waited for me la. OMG, I don't know how to apologise. SORRY. my alarm clock didnt ring and the phone was off so i didnt hear your calls. :( SORRY, SORRY. man, gotta make it up to you! SIGH. Cherie, you're such an idiot!
SIGH. some people really reply msgs like really fast. like 12 hours later? beh.
sorry, am pissed. and bored. which is not a good combination. and tired. omg, worse. kinda screamed at my mum for nagging at me about CHC again. AGAIN. of all times, had to be when Im tired, bored and really fed-up. with her, that is.
so bored that i went to swim. with Mel that is. marine parade has these gorgeous ship lights on the sea, haha. and its really cold there, unlike jurong. BEH. so i kinda stood there on the balcony afterwards, and stared out into the ocean and Victoria School, haha.
yeah, i know i should have known. sorry, i was wrong. should have known. actually, i did know. because, hasnt it always been this way?
omg, CHNGWEILANG, CAN YOU STOP MAKING ME JEALOUS OF POLY LIFE? I know you've got like 7 wks holidays after ur mid-yrs. URGH. :/ yea, thanks man, i really appreciate your concern :/ sometimes I wonder if you say all these stuff to piss me off? LAU. but anyway, ive known you since forever so its like: oh, okay, expected. im used to it! phfffft. tsktsk, grow up, boy. btw, the world is round, not flat :D i say these, all in good will (:
im so stoned. Tired like nothing. because Mel & I stayed up till 4 and gossiped like crazy. Ahha. You can take the girl out of the convent but you can't take the convent out of the girl. Anyway, we were like talking about SAC and the IJ schools, it was so hilarious. ANYWAY, POINT IS, I AM STONED. ROCKS. i should study la, like how 'hardddddd' Mel is studying cause her private tutor is coming later.
i woke up at twelve with my mother screaming into my ear, reminding me its my BROTHER's birthday and i have to get home early. like LOL, i know! how can i forget my dearest brother's birthday? anyways, now she's coming over to celebrate with mel's family instead cos aunt made arrangements to keep me here, haha! Dad isnt even in spore now. hahaha, wonder if he can fit into that shirt I bought him LA. HWELLO, its freaking EXPENSIVE. contributed to the bankrupt fund.
OH, speaking of clothes! Mel has 150 tops, like OMGWTH Damn mad, the way she spends. LIKE. Worse than I do! Hahahaha. XJ & I can go die, cause XJ has only major sports stuff and only one proper shirt, and Im cleaning out my wardrobe so I only have like LESS than 50 tops now. SIGH. Her life aspiration is the high life, haha. Yeah, we're very different people. I think my mum will kill me if I spend anymore.
So I told her about ___________. and she was like __________________. giving me examples of her own friends which are mostly rich people. and I felt so lost yesterday like ______________. And I told her alot about _______. And she told me to be careful. I know, but I really dont like to ______. Argh, whatever la. Anyone reading this will tear their hair out, cause I bet you have no idea what Im talking about, haha :D
fill in the blanks
Like rain. Like ships. maybe Im heading for the rocks. We're very different people. The world carries on. WHYWHYWHWYWHY? This book has no answers.
Has been a good day! First off, for the record, everytime I meet up with my favourite cousins, I end up sleeping over at their place. because XJ & MELODYHENG stay at like three storeys away, aw damn. if I stayed in the east with them, I will NEVER be able to study cos I'd be out shopping with Mel everyday and listening to XJ whine and talking about intellectual stuff which explodes me brain. For the record, TXJ IS SLEEPING ON MEL'S BED WHEN HE CAN LIKE GO AND SLEEP IN HIS OWN BED DOWNSTAIRS AT THE 8TH FLOOR, IDIOT. RAWR. and im sitting on the floor. wth? You're a real gentleman ya =/ argh cousins.
today had loads of funny stuff la. Mel Heng does not know that her POSB card is from DBS and can be used with the DBS atm. so XJ and I were like okok if you say so then we'd go look for another one. walked the whole of that stupid shopping mall and we went back to the dbs one. (MARINA SQUARE DOES NOT HAVE ANY PROPER ATM MACHINE, WTH?) and Mel was like: I'm telling you it doesnt work. XJ: Bet? Mel: No, the point is it wont work! Its POSB not DBS! XJ & I: Let me see your card! OMG, SO SO SO SO FUNNY! XJ turned it over and like there's this humongous DBS sign on it. SOOOOOOOO FUNNY. And I was trying to be fierce, but failing, haha. Cause I love her so much, noob or not. :D
ANYWAY, TXJ is sooo darn rich la, ARGH, give me your POSB account! Peeked and saw this digit that made me really go : Did you rob the bank or smth? Anyway, THANK YOU XJ FOR PAYING EVERYTH TODAY HAHA. Cause Im so pathetically broke, nobody can be worse. I mean nobody can be worse than an unemployed student with a parental objection to assist in survival by giving a wee bit more cash? We caught the 6 plus show cause I was late from cg haha. Mel was like, 4.30: Uh, coming, 4.45: Tampines, 5: Bedok, or smth! Anyway, we ate, A LOT. Esp TXJ who is tall and skinny and needs alot of food because he plays alot of sports. XJ is 185 LOR and has to stand far away otherwise I'd look hell short next to him. And somehow, I ended up staying over.
SIGH. But I havent been really really myself today. I'd be honest, I've been thinking, A LOT. Too much for my own good, methinks. Hello, what's the point of thinking when I can do smth better like, WRITE? IM KIND OF HANGING UPSIDE DOWN.
i LOVED SINGFEST :D Thank you EEVINLEE for actually booking and dragging me along haha and thank you for the longggggggg talk at some plaza unil 7 pm and not going into SF to watch instead. Thank you ZX for actually coming down! Haha. Um, thanks for walking us around and agreeing to my whims haha. (:
I woke up today and my Dad was gone. I mean he went to the airport in the morning, like 5? I was so surprised because I actually did forget that he was leaving for his business stuff again. And it kind of feels empty, just like it always does when he's not around. Despite the fact that he's always yelling at me to get home early, do my homework, don't spend when you dont earn, and to sleep at 10, I kind of do miss him, haha. Well, pretty late for an epiphany but whatever.
When I thought about some people that I know who cross the road without looking, I kind of laughed because.. I realised that the cars were always so far away. HAHA, being silly la.
It is ironic it is that tomorrow's National Day but the Ugly Singaporean just makes you ashamed of your own countrymen. There are three examples of the USing that I encountered today. 1. Aunties who push past you, even dragging your bag along but have no conscience whatsoever to apologise. Great. 2. The young working adult who 'books' a seat on a crowded bus for her friend lagging behind. 3. The middle-aged man who leans on the standing pole of the MRT even through like loads of other people have to rely on it for support.
I wonder why these people haven't been told off before. Like excuse me, you do know a word called consideration exists, no?
I was so pissed off at foreign workers pushing from the back when I was boarding the bus that I, for the first time in my entire life, snapped at someone in public. Actually Ana and I snapped at them at the same time. We went : EXCUSE ME! And I continued : Do you realise that you're being EXTREMELY rude? Anyway, doubt that they understood us but they left the line. Honestly! This isn't your hometown; it isn't like you should act the way you did back home, that's just plain naivete. RAWR.! Honestly.
ANYWAY, WHATSOEVER about people who irk me because it's just getting common! Had cell group gathering today! Happy happy :D But I was late 'cause.. um, I was just late. Food at the steamboat area was alright, not fantastic, just alright. Shared some stuff with Janice, Ana and Hema! I think I've told too many people about him, haha. Had fun, am broke again but overall is happy! Met dearie Daphne, Wendi, HuiFang and Yvonne by chance! HAHA I heard people calling me but I so totally didnt realise it was them until they came to look for me :DDDDDDDD Today was a good day, if I wasnt so tired. Wish I could meet you in serendipity, haha.
SINGFEST TMR WITH DEAREST EEVINLEE! aw man, can't wait :DDDDDD party!
Occasionally, thoughts of nationality would occur to me. Today, as we did Boey Kim Chang in Lit lecture, Mr Shankar flashed slides with questions on The Singapore Identity. I gave my two cents about our culture: We try to be here and there but in truth, we are neither. And neither we are indeed for Singapore is too young to have a culture of its own, me thinks.
We're still like infants, trying to mimick others in their way of manner, speech and dressing and sometimes, failing terribly. But we have come a long way and the tiny Singaporean in me feels proud of it all. Often, I tell myself, I must be the odd Singaporean because I don't feel Singaporean at all. Yes, I speak Singlish, I gave up knowing bar chor mee and char kway tiao and I've gone to, for the most part of my life, Singapore schools. There was always a part of myself that yearned to be different, or in fact, different from the typical Singaporean but similiar to someone of the international community. In many ways, I'm not very much different from the 'kiasu' Singaporean.
What makes a proper Singaporean? What makes you Singaporean?
I don't know because I'm still searching for that concrete reason that tells me infallibly that I am Singaporean through and through.
I've grew up learning 'proper' English or if anyone would call it, Standard English. I grew up traveling half of the world. I've spent stints of my life in different places but always returning to the same old town. The first time I went to England, I was awed by the 'outside' world. I loved it, I adore it, I still do. I've always wanted to study at Cambridge, because I've never thought of local universities as anything but just. I envied PJC's students soooo much because they were going to Cambridge on an attachment. Never mind that the costs were $6000, never mind that it was a long trip, as long as it was Cambridge, as long as it was England. Those sentiments has somehow faded off, but the point is this: Is it faith in something foreign that propels me towards it?
Why not NUS, why not NTU?
If it was the lack of identity, I could have aspired to go to Australia to further my studies or even China, to get in touch with the Chinese in me. If it was the desire to be superior, I would have turned insane because I am definitely NOT anywhere near the benchmark of being some elite student (don't get me started). SOOO. WHY? I just want to have a taste of the outside world, being stifled in the bubble that is the mainstream education. I can't blame education for programming me this way because it has given me many things. I am grateful to be Singaporean but not exactly holding that identity with much pride. But the cold, cutting truth is that youths are adventurous and tend to run when let go. With regret, I much say that I don't have a lot of staying power. When everything is ostensibly alright on the surface, the cracks lie below the dry ground, starting from the jerking of roots from the soil.
Despite all that hoo-haa about how I don't feel Singaporean and why, I would miss Singapore if I did leave it for good. I would miss my family, my friends, my slang, my comfortable familiarity of the surroundings and its people but the essential word missing here is LOVE. I would miss the LOVE showered on me by the people of this nation; people like Dad&Mum. I am looking for security but security is not what I aspire to have. It is surely a nice feeling to have but to grow as a writer, I will need to break out of this comfort zone, to reach out and touch the most fragile of hearts and understand them, to seek the truth and to convey it to the world and to pen legions of words that speak no lies. It is the only dream that I have ever had.
Singapore is a phantasmagoria; we are definitely not Art but we are changing in every moment of Time. We were the canvas from which the world reaches out to paint on, from Britain to Malaysia until we are a mix of something unique, a myraid of colours that becomes completely unable to be defined; and then we create a country, a nation, a city, an international stage: called Singapore. She achieves independence and then her people become the paintbrushes of this land.
My two cents for National Day. Happy 42nd, Singapore! May you grow old and happy with many many grandchildren to come :D
OMY. TODAY WAS OKAY EXCEPT THAT IT WAS REALLY BORING. yeah. Okay, relax Cherie, relax. Common test results would be alright! I'd be alright. Alright.
I'd be alright.
Today, Hema and I were supposed to go watch a movieeee with PETER but the Leaders' stuff ended quite late and we kind of left Peter hanging at Westmall. So sorry! Yeah, seriously feel kinda of bad. Should have cancelled the appointment with him lo. Hais. Sorry Pete! D: Wed - cell-grp meeting, yay! :DDDDD Superrr happy.
By the way, girlfriends who went to Macau and esp LIW who went to HK, I MISS MISS MISS MISS ALL OF YOU! OMY. When they come back, I'm so going to hug you guys loads! Louisa, YX and Linda, if you see this, you better have bought me smth! Considering that we've known each other for AGES; haha. KIDDING, darls. It's alright if there's nth for me cos what's most important is that you guys are back safe and sound! SIGHS. IMISSMYGIRLFRIENDS!7SEVEN,HELLOMEETINGPLEASE? CAUSE I MISS YOU GIRLS LIKE MAD. SECONDARY DAYS NEVER END!
SINGFEST! im going with eevin LEE of all people this thurs!! HAHA. kidding! eevinsssss. you know i love you :D can't wait! can't wait! fabulousssss line-up!
by the way, pretty people with birthdays! AMELIA (8/8/07) & KAREN (29/7/07) Amelia, happy 17th advanced! Karen, happy 17th belated! LOVEYOUALLMUCHS.
OMG. bestfriend SIEWPS one is coming soon. digspocket- haha!
The speakers aren't working. >< WTH. edit: Okay so it was because my sister plugged the earphones in, LOL!
I woke up this morning to find my little cousin gone. LOL He stayed over last night to play with my brother. OHMY. THEY WERE SO NOISY. But it's alright cos it's always nice to have someone around for a change (:
FOP ROCKED. Despite coughing and having a bad flu and occasionally having to retake medicine, I had a ball of a time :D oh do not - do not shut the heavens Can't go back today D: Because of many reasons. But there's also many reasons why I would want to return. Another 7 days, another 7 days. Where are you?
Yay, parents just pissed me off AGAIN. I'm so bloody FRUSTRATED!!!! Do you know who BLOODY difficult it is to talk to you guys???? BECAUSE NUMBER 1, YOU'RE STUCK IN YOUR CHERIE-IS-STILL-A-KID MODE WHICH IS DISGUSTING, NUMBER 2, YOU'RE STUCK IN THE 1970S, DONT TELL ME ABOUT LAST TIME OR BEFORE OR WHATEVER NITSHIZZY YOU WERE, THIS IS NOW AND NOW IS ALL I CARE ABOUT! One day, oneday, if I tolerate enough. I will blow up. I will. So enough, enough!!! Stop screaming in my ear!! ENOUGH.
I'm exhuasted. I need Your help, Your love and guidance. Please, please, send it down to me. Another 7 days here. I think I would only cry everyday, with tears or none. Peace, please? Father, you never sleep nor slumber and you will find a way. You will provide.
I've calmed down. and, I've stopped puking for an hour now.
i wonder when, when will peace come?
i love Life too much to let it go, therefore, im not going to do anything stupid. running away = something stupid. whatever happens, family is still family right? mum & dad, i'd always love you, no matter whatever. always always. zutou.
my heart heaves, i wonder when will i see you again?
FOP!
Yesterday, I cried during FOP, the song of God's reign. Because I was thinking, Dear God, Please save them. Please save the suffering ones, Please save the Koreans in Afganistan, Please bless them so that they may be free. because they are your people.
because there's so much evil in this world.
Our God Reigns -DELIRIOUS?
40 million babies lost to Gods great orphanage, It't a modern day genocide and a modern day disgrace If this is a human right then why aren't we free? The only freedom we have is in a man nailed to a tree.
100 million faces, staring at the sky, Wondering if this HIV will ever pass us by. The devil stole the rain and hope trickles down the plug, But still my Chinese take away could pay for someone's drugs.
Our God reigns, Our God reigns, Forever your kingdom reigns.
The west has found a gun and it's loaded with unsure? Nip and tuck if you have the bucks in a race to find a cure. Psalm one hundred and thirty nine is the conscience to our selfish crime, God didn't screw up when he made you, He's a father who loves to parade you.
Yes he reigns, yes you reign, yes you reign, For there is only one true God, But we've lost the reins on this world, Forgive us all, forgive us please, As we fight for this broken world on our knees.
I AM SO FREAKING ANGRY!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS IT THAT MY FAMILY IS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS THIS WAY? WHATEVER THAT IS MY BELIEFS, LET IT STAY THAT WAY BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOURS IS YOUR OWN AND I DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT EITHER! IM PISSED OFF BECAUSE WHENEVER IM SICK THEY EITHER ACT EXTREMELY CONCERNED OR THEY NEVER ACT CONCERNED AT ALL! LIKE ITS MY FAULT I WANT TO BE ILL. LIKE HOW THEY ALWAYS JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT EVERYTHING AND HOW THEY NEVER THINK ITS BECAUSE OF MY GOOD-WILL AND HOW BLOODY ANGRY THEY ALWAYS GET ME!!!!
if you want me to leave, then i will. if i had the ways and means, i would. because i cant stand this longer than you can, thanks. as much as i love all of you, as much as we shared our happy days, it really seems as if we can't get along. don't you know im trying? im really really trying. but this is so maddening that sometimes i just want to run away.
I THINK MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM REALLY not FEELING WELL AND THEY'RE BEING SO MEAN. DO YOU KNOW IT HURTS!?
frustration . anger . denial . all these emotions, i can't seem to control them. because, ive been hearing these words for so long, it was an instantaneous reaction. hurt that you've never changed, hurt that you still think this way, tearing because im still never good enough. i've dreaded you saying something like this for so long; i'd forgotten when it had started. i think the pain has gone away. because when i think about it, all my insecurity comes back to me. im sorry i flared up so quickly. but can't you see that those words affect me? cant you quit saying never? cant you say that i can do it? those are the words that i never hear.
there's FoP tomorrow! it keeps me happy and i can't wait until tmr already. because today is already bad enough.
anyways! happy 17th birthday NADYA, sweetie! much LOVE~
my head hurts. my hands hurt. seriously. my pen is out of ink. silent regrets. complacency kills !!!!!
life isnt all about paper scores but we would still have to score NO MATTER WHAT. because reality tells me that i still need that paper degree. yeayeayea.
looking forward to thurs afternoon and fri! simpsons!usheringdutyatschool!paintbanner!FoP!
Yes. I have to do some ushering duty on Friday for some National event; I even volunteered Charleston and Hema who both volunteered themselves :D thanks guys.
anyeeeeeeee how, bored. wanna do CIP! because it makes things meaningful! give me things to do! argh!
wanna go to reference section at NLB to research ....~
.
Layout: Lost Days