say what you say,
do what you do, as long as its real.
take what you take,
just be what you want, as long as its real.


Man,
I need cash again.
the November collection rocks!
Especially the sprees :D
Gotta clear the cupboards again.

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel,
don't know why I can't go forward like I did before,
but I know I'm trying.

I missed my grandma alot.
Although I can't really converse with her much,
cause she doesnt really understand English and Chinese,
but with her,
I feel like everything's fine.
The world's great.
Life's the way it should be.
So I went to her place today, like I should every Sunday.
And we talked.
And she said that she's proud of me.
Not directly but whatever.
I could feel the pride.
And I told myself,
this isn't just about me.
As much as I tell myself I live for me,
sometimes, it turns out I live for someone else.
I can't disappoint her,
can't change that image she has of me.
Cause I want to uphold that picture in her mind;
her darling eldest granddaughter, the model student, the one who never gives up, the student councillor, the one always smiling, the ones listening to the troubles of someone else and not whining herself, the most Beloved & Treasured.

I don't live for myself.

It seems..
That I've allowed some things to get to me too much.
I was once the most cheerful child in class.
Every report would come back to my parents with the words: Cherie is a very lovable and bubbly student in class, she smiles and laughs a lot and this makes her classmates around her to feel very positive too.
Man, people do change with time.
By the time I got to Sec 4 I was probably the most emo-fic child in class.
And I hate it that my mother constantly reminds me that Life aint fair.
Yeah I know it, I get it, damnit so stop telling me like you're trying to screw this depression into my mind for eternity.

& there's so many damn things I want to tell you,
to scream at your face,
to remind you how much I hate you, how much I love you, how much I care.

How much I love you.
What a word, what a sentence.
Is it true?
Saaa. Who knows?
Who cares?
I don't want to care.

Guess what,
I studied today.
Japanese, Math and Geog.
Wow?
HAHAA.
Come on, how long more to A levels?


the littlest things that take me there

Labels: depression, dreams, what is real?, you